Wizard
Can I believe my eyes? Why have you come back?
Dorothy
Please, sir. We've done what you told us. We've brought you the
broomstick of the Wicked Witch of the West. We melted her.
Wizard
Oh - you liquidated her, eh? Very resourceful!
Dorothy
Yes, sir. So we'd like you to keep your promise to us - if you please, sir.
Wizard
Not so fast! Not so fast! I'll have to give the matter a little thought! Go
away and come back tomorrow!
Dorothy
Tomorrow! Oh, but I want to go home now!
Tin Man
You've had plenty of time already!
Lion
Yeah!
Wizard
Do not arouse the wrath of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said come
back tomorrow!
Dorothy
If you were really great and powerful, you'd keep your promises!
Wizard
Do you presume to criticize the Great Oz? You ungrateful creatures! 
Think yourselves lucky that I'm giving you
an audience tomorrow, instead of twenty years from now! Oh! The
Great Oz has spoken!
Oh! Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. The Great, Powerful

-- has spoken --
Dorothy
Who are you?
Wizard
Well, I - I - I am the Great and Powerful - Wizard of Oz.
Dorothy
You are?
Wizard
Uh -
Dorothy
I don't believe you!
Wizard
No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other Wizard except me.
Scarecrow
You Humbug!
Lion
Yeah!
Wizard
Yes - that's exactly so - I'm a humbug.
Dorothy
Oh - you're a very bad man!
Wizard
Oh, no, my dear. I - I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.
Scarecrow
What about the heart that you promised the Tin Man?
Wizard
Well, I -
Scarecrow
And the courage you promised Cowardly Lion?
Wizard
Well, I -
Tin Man and Lion
And Scarecrow's brain?
Wizard
Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity.
Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the earth,
or slinks through slimy seas has a brain! Back where I come from we
have universities - seats of great learning - where men
go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep
thoughts, and with no more brains than you have.
But - they have one thing you haven't got - a diploma!
Therefore, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Universita Committeeatum E Pluribus Unum,
I hereby confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
Scarecrow
Th.D.?
Wizard
Yeah - that - that's Dr. of Thinkology
Scarecrow
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is
equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain! How can I ever thank you enough?
Wizard
Well, you can't! As for you my fine friend, you are a victim or disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate
delusion that simply because you run away from danger you have no
courage! You are confusing courage with wisdom. 
Back where I come fro mwe have men who are called heroes. Once a
year they take their fortitude out of mothballs
and parade it down the main street of the city. And they have no more
courage than you have. But - they have one thing
that you haven't got! A medal!! Therefore, for meritorious conduct,
extraordinary valor, conspicuous bravery
against wicked witches, I award you the Triple Cross. You are now a
member of the Legion of Courage!
Lion
Oh - oh, shucks, folks - I'm speechless!
Wizard
As for you, my galvanized friend - you want a heart! You don't know how
lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
Tin Man
But I - I still want one.
Wizard
Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but
good deeds. They are called
phil....er.....phil...er...er....good-deed-doers and their hearts are no
bigger than yours, but they have one thing
you haven't got! A testimonial!
Therefore, in consideration of your kindness, I take pleasure at this
time in presenting you with a
small token of our esteem and affection. And remember, my sentimental
friend, that a heart is not judged
by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.
Tin Man
Oh, Oh, it ticks! Listen! Look, it ticks!
Lion
Read - read what my medal says. Courage! Ain't it the truth!
Dorothy
Oh - oh they're all wonderful.
Scarecrow
Hey, what about Dorothy?
Tin Man
Yes, how about Dorothy?
Lion
Yeah.
Wizard
A -
Lion
Dorothy next!
Wizard
Yes, Dorothy. A -
Dorothy
Oh, I don't think there's anything in that black bag for me.
Wizard
Well - you force me into a cataclysmic decision. The only way to get
Dorothy back to Kansas is for me to take her there myself!
Dorothy
Oh! Oh, will you? Could you? Oh! Oh, but are you a clever enough wizard to manage it?
Wizard
Child, you cut me to the quick! I'm an old Kansas man myself, born and
bred - in the heart of the western wilderness,
premier Carnival Company, only one day, while performing s
pectacular feats unfortunate phenomena occurred - the balloon
failed to return to the fair.
Lion
It did!
Dorothy
Weren't you frightened?
Wizard
Frightened? You are talking to a man who has laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, chuckled at catastrophe!
I was petrified. Then suddenly the wind changed and the balloon floated
down into the heart of this noble city
where I was instantaneously acclaimed Oz, the first Wizard deluxe.
Dorothy
Ahhhh!
Wizard
Times being what they were, I accepted the job, retaining my balloon
against the advent of a quick get-away. Aha!
And in that balloon, my dear Dorothy, you and I will return to the Land
of E Pluribus Unum!

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